Today is Saturday and I was scheduled to begin the second day of month two of a seven month long Yoga Teacher Training. This is a training that I deeply value and am eager to have been a part of bringing to the studios that I manage. Although I am already a Certified Yoga Teacher and reasonable successful at, I set out to participate (at my expense) in this program in an endeavor to both support the teachers that I will be 'managing' (I don't really like that word), and to ensure that we are speaking one language at our studios.
However, to lay the foundation, I am WAY over committed and been struggling with how to create balance in my life. As a home-schooling mom with LOTS of commitments, mostly work, I am left with NO down time and not enough time to be the mom that I desire to be.
On Thursday, a friend who I have committed to be a doula for, called me to say that her water broke. I responded appropriately. After a very long ordeal (read my surrogacy blog for details), I found myself missing the first day of the second month of this training. When this should happen, there is a very high fee that both discourages scheduling issues and covers the cost for tutoring that would catch a student up with the others. As I woke this morning, facing day two of month two, I prayed........HARD. God, what am I doing spending both my time and money doing this training for right now in my life? If my biggest goal is to find time to spend with my children and holes to work so I can increase cash-flow, why am I being so indulgent with this Yoga Training? I realized that being a part of this program is a noble cause, but it is not the most noble choice for me in my life. It doesn't fall in line with who I am and where I am going.
As I painfully realized that I must let go of this program (at might high financial loss) in order to be authentic and honor my true self, I felt at peace. I now feel in awe of the fact that there are times that we can be faced with choices that have no clear yes or no because the only choices can all be honorable, but there can be a More honorable choice if meditated upon.
I thank you, God, for giving me both the freedom of choice and the love to lead me. It is in the struggles of life that we are offered the beautiful gift of learning which can lead to future opportunities to implement that knowledge, which becomes wisdom. My God who walks with me, surely you do love me deeply.
No comments:
Post a Comment