My present journey

I am blessed to have many circles of acquaintances and I will make the assumption that if a reader goes to the trouble to come here and read my thoughts that they care to know me intimately. Making this assumption allows me to put it all on the table.

For several years now, I have been moulding and developing myself as a speaker, with the aspiration of selling my books and speaking as a full time career. Almost nine years ago, I was introduced to a wellness company that transformed my life through it's products, it's business opportunity, and also through it's personal development training programs. It is this training program that has drawn me and really changed the course my life and my future. Over the course of the last couple of years, I have made the decision to become a facilitator/trainer for this training program. This decision was bigger than most will know as it carries with it the requirement of giving up my distributorship with this company.

In the spring of this year, I made my intentions know at one of these trainings and I knew that there was no turning back once I made my intent public! As I investigated more fully the 'requirements' of the role and what is expected, I didn't let it sway me. As I inquired and was told that there is not an opening and that no more trainers can be taken on, I didn't let it discourage me. I took the necessary steps to make a formal application and I have made contact regularly, letting the corporation know of both my desire and my commitment.

This road trip down to Irvine was set to co-inside with another one of these trainings (#17 for me, but the first one at the headquarters) and would give me the opportunity to walk into head quarters, look the president of this international, multi-billion dollar company in the eye and tell him I WANT IT, you NEED WHAT I CAN OFFER AND I AM IN LINE :-).

As I got out of my car on Wednesday afternoon, the enormity of it all filled me. Who am I to think that I can crack the department that hasn't hired a new trainer in more than 10 years and is consisted of almost only men, all older and more experienced than myself? Who am I to think that I would be taken seriously and hired with no formal experience in this field when the economy has required them to reduce the number of trainings?

Well.........this is what I realized, as I walked the LONG path up to this multi-million dollar structure:

I am Tara McGuire, the damn finest and most passionate trainer that this company could hire to inspire and drive their distributors! I am a beautiful, intelligent and driven woman that is commanding and engaging! I am EXACTLY what this company needs, and I look forward to the day that I can fill the role!

Although my legs were shaking and my chest tight when I walked in, silently pouring praise over myself, I walked out 10 feet tall, knowing that whether this is a door that God opens or not, I am on the right path and I am knocking!

I feel so alive to again be pursuing my dreams, but also filled with peace, knowing that I don't have to know all the turns along the way. All I have to do is stay on the road with my foot on the pedal, observing the signs and God will make the path.

Meditation in movement

Today, I finished a 15 hour road trip from Oregon to California. It may not be a typical opportunity for prayer and meditation, but it was the most amazing experience that I have had in a long, long time. As the sun rose on the California hill, I prayed prayers of love and gratitude for such a perfect journey for me. I am so full of, well, should I dare say 'enlightenment'? Maybe a  more culturally acceptable term would be insight. This should take several entries.....

For one week, I am on a unique journey and today's entry will focus on the fact that exactly one year ago today, I gave birth to someone else's dreams.........the baby that I pushed from my body on December 7th was not mine and I was anything but close to living my dreams. In fact, it seems that my whole life not only went on hold for this, but went in a tailspin that is only recently coming to stillness. For two years now, my life has been so fully impacted by the choice to be a gestational surrogate that I have had to completely re-set who I am and where I am going. THIS is the gift to me. This is what has moved me toward the direction that I would like to go........

And now, tonight, in this lovely hotel room in Launa Hills, I will lay my head on my pillow and know that life is good......it is Very, VERY good.