Finding our mat

It seems that I, like everyone else, must struggle to to squeeze in yoga. The days are so full and busy and 'I' seem to be last priority. And then the body cries out for yoga. When I reach this point physically, the sweet ecstasy found in the breath and movement on my mat is exquisite. Drawing me back and making me long for more.

The biggest draw back to a home practice for me, right now is the space. I only am able to practice in my bedroom, which is also my office. I come to my mat, but it seems that the call of my desk and chores is Loud and distracting, pulling me away or simply detracting from my focus. I dream of finding a home where we can have a full time dedicated yoga room. I have a vision of this space and am daily dreaming of waking each morning, walking to the studio with my man and practicing together. Ahhhh. It will be lovely.

Until then. next to the bed, in my thankfully large room, near the piles of work, I do my best to escape in the nooks and crannies of my life.....for now.

You Won't believe the day that I've had

Days filled with over-fullness, today was not above ordinary. Until it built... And built. A very busy day, thankfully progressing well, until the all too often over piling of tasks ocures and the weight of responsibility and burden feels as if it will crush me. But, will it? REALLY? Is it not all in my mind? And the stress mounts as the clock ticks. Minute by minute, I loose my ground on the list of responsibilities as each seems to suck the life and time out of me. And my sweet babies need their mama. In between, I go. I am. I'm mama.

And I rush......and I breathe, and I smile, and I do. Stop here. Stop there. I go. I am. I am ALL.

Off to yoga class, with eager students smiling on their beloved mats, so eager, yet furrowed of brow. And I breathe, taking my self out of me. Isn't it really just my own perception? Their hearts open, I long to fill. We go together. Selflessness heals. I go. I am. I'm yours.

On my way home :-).........or not. Groceries. I forgot. Basket lunging, clock ticking. 12 hours now. I want to rest. Lovely music playing as I pour over the produce. Organic, always worth it. Yes. I go. I am. I'm mama. Traffic, really, WHY? So late. I'm tired. More to do. Full car. Bed time, and not yet eaten dinner. Is it not all in my mind?

I pull in my drive......AHHHH. And a flat tire on my vehicle. REALLY? Please. Where is my reward for, well, me? Bags over-pouring my arms and I struggle with the lock, WHY, all while re-arranging morning plans due to the dilemma? Four people in my house and no one can rush to me..........THEN........

Then I find a claim that my baby has just had an accident....covered with glass, dropping my troubles and worries, floating the stairs, I find. The tiny little, barely seven year old, in her little cotton panties, tears covering her lap as she is frightened by the light bulb shards covering her. And I remember.....I go. I am. I'm mama. "No, my love, you are safe. I am here." Just in time.

I've taken up cycling

That is, on a real bike on the real road. I'm not at all a gym kind of person (although I am always excited when in one due to being surrounded by people who have goals and take action) and I am blessed with the need for stimulation. The idea of mounting a stationary bike is as appealing to me as hitting my head against the wall. Now, couple this with the reality of unchangeable and often time unnegotiable inclines and traffic conditions and things get exciting!!!

After giving birth to my surrogate baby SEVEN months ago, I find myself Still carrying baby weight and eager to be my lean self. It is time. So, I balance having four children and being the bread-winner, but where is the time for me? Here I sit in another pit-stop determining not only which gear to take, but which path as well. The hill ahead of my seems so tall and insurrmountable, but I find that if I will only respect the break and let my body, mind and spirit calm and find peace, I will better be suited to climb it.

Living yoga allows me to be mindful and present in all things, with a continual connection to God, as I know as my creator. Living in continual communion with God allows wisdom to come in and each and every turn to be a lesson offered for learning. As I peddle my bike and strain against pushing my strong and heavy frame along the pavement, I find myself distracted and struggling for focus, much like on my mat. This fast breath and heart rate seem foreign to me and I long for the comfort of familiarity, but yet it is not here. I am in a new seat, with a new hat. My mind gains pace and finds myself at home, in my office, doing work, but my inner wisdom says, 'The objective is not the destination. The objective is the journey'. So too, is it in life.

We often find ourselves so consumed with destinations, goals and intentions. When we might better remember that it is not the results that are the accomplishment, but the path we take to get there. This is where the lessons are. In the hills we face, the gears we shift, and the judgements made along the way. The destination does not make us who we are, but the daily toil along the journey that moulds us.