Building balance

It seems that lately, I am consumed with trying to create balance in my life. For four years, as a single mother of four, I worked daily, almost frantically with only tiny glimpses of rest when I could no longer push myself. Now, as a newly married woman and an awesome husband who is clearly in this with me, we are finding our places. Having a partner in parenting and household chores is helpful and comforting. So, now that I find I am able to actually breathe and live at a healthier pace, I find that re-creating that balance is tough.

It's almost like going from a fast flow of our asana practice and then settling down into a yin style. I feel impatient and like I must be doing something wrong. Focus is tough because I am continually thinking what's next. At this place in my life, I am contemplating who and what I want to be when I grow up. Not only am I at the end of another year (almost), I am feeling the strong effects of a tumultous last five years. I went from being a home-maker to a divorced bread-winner and now again, married. But as anyone re-married knows, it's never the same. I will never again depend on someone else to care for myself and my children financially. So, that means that I must use my own vision and means to create financial 'security'. Moving from the place of 'security' to creating what you really envision is scary and risky when you have four children to care for.

And this is where my strong trust in God comes into play. I know that his plans for me are perfect and will always be revealed at the best time. I know that he is shaping and leading me toward the vision that he has given me. Yes, to me, yoga is living in union with body, mind and spirit. It is not just asana. It is not just meditation, or purification. It is everything, living optimally as God has made possible to us. Right now, I live my yoga as I walk and breath and reassure myself that I can, in deed find my way through another day.

on Making Decisions in Line With Our TRUE Self

Today is Saturday and I was scheduled to begin the second day of month two of a seven month long Yoga Teacher Training. This is a training that I deeply value and am eager to have been a part of bringing to the studios that I manage. Although I am already a Certified Yoga Teacher and reasonable successful at, I set out to participate (at my expense) in this program in an endeavor to both support the teachers that I will be 'managing' (I don't really like that word), and to ensure that we are speaking one language at our studios.

However, to lay the foundation, I am WAY over committed and been struggling with how to create balance in my life. As a home-schooling mom with LOTS of commitments, mostly work, I am left with NO down time and not enough time to be the mom that I desire to be.

On Thursday, a friend who I have committed to be a doula for, called me to say that her water broke. I responded appropriately. After a very long ordeal (read my surrogacy blog for details), I found myself missing the first day of the second month of this training. When this should happen, there is a very high fee that both discourages scheduling issues and covers the cost for tutoring that would catch a student up with the others. As I woke this morning, facing day two of month two, I prayed........HARD. God, what am I doing spending both my time and money doing this training for right now in my life? If my biggest goal is to find time to spend with my children and holes to work so I can increase cash-flow, why am I being so indulgent with this Yoga Training? I realized that being a part of this program is a noble cause, but it is not the most noble choice for me in my life. It doesn't fall in line with who I am and where I am going.

As I painfully realized that I must let go of this program (at might high financial loss) in order to be authentic and honor my true self, I felt at peace. I now feel in awe of the fact that there are times that we can be faced with choices that have no clear yes or no because the only choices can all be honorable, but there can be a More honorable choice if meditated upon.

I thank you, God, for giving me both the freedom of choice and the love to lead me. It is in the struggles of life that we are offered the beautiful gift of learning which can lead to future opportunities to implement that knowledge, which becomes wisdom. My God who walks with me, surely you do love me deeply.

a Script for Prasarita Padottanasana A

Let us come now to the center of our mat. Find yourself first implementing those fine points of Tadasana that we just practiced. We now will open the inner groin and adductors of the legs as well as the hamstrings and gluteals by practicing Prasarita Padottanasana, or Wide Legged Forward Fold. Bring hands in namaste and feel a line of energy flowing right through the center of you. As you soften your knees, spring the feet apart about 4-5 feet and open the arms into a horizontal plane, floating above your legs. As you check your alignment, adjust to ensure that your writs are directly above your ankles. Turn your toes in slightly to ensure that your feet are parallel.  As you root down through all four corners of the feet now, try to feel a lift through the inner and outer ankle. Lift the kneecap by engaging the quadriceps (which is the large muscle group on the front of the thigh), ensuring both stability and safety to the knee. The inner thighs lift and spiral to the wall behind you just like we did in Tadasana. Inhale deeply and exhale releasing sit bones toward the floor. Inhale again, extending outward through each hand and exhale releasing hands to hips. Still engaging and lifting the essential points in feet and legs, let your side wastes lengthen. Feel that the heart is opening up as your pelvis balances evenly above the floor. Hands cupping the edges of your pelvis, feel length in both the front and back body, evenly lifting toward the heavens as you lightly engage at the solar plexus (the area from pubic to breast bones). If you may notice that your low front ribs have puffed out, simply allow them to sink back in to your center. As you maintain the openness and length of your torso, feel your shoulders moving back and down. Inhale strength and peace, lifting up through the crown of the head and exhale folding half way to the floor. Release hands either to a block or the floor beneath the 

shoulders, or if it is within your ability, hands will come in line with the feet, shoulder width apart. Together, we remain here for several breaths, lengthening again through the body before we fold more deeply. Check from ground up again and see if you might have lost some of the intentions of the body. Press down through four corners of the feet, lifting through ankles, quadriceps and solar plexus. Now spread your sit bones apart and allow the back to become hallow as you gaze forward. We are deepening the hip fold crease here and protecting the sacral area from injury. Inhale loving openness and exhale the body toward the floor, allowing the head to rest on it if that is possible for you. Although the ultimate posture will bring your head between your feet, we can learn to respect our body and it’s limitations, playing on the fine edge of our ability without competition or judgement. A nice option for you if you are too tight to bring the head to the floor is to use your block to connect in that space. Enjoy your breath flowing in and out fully as your body opens. You are lifting through the inner thighs, ensuring that these muscles are secure and participating. Now bringing your hands to the hips once again, maintaining the lift in the kneecap and the engagement of the solar plexus, you may inhale yourself up with a straight back. Bringing hands to namaste once again, jump the feet together into Tadasana with namaste hands and enjoy the pulse of the chi flowing throughout your body.