The ties that bind us

Today I take time to enjoy a leisurely Saturday at home (which means that I work, but at my pace and without the burden of home-school), and I am considering the ties that bind... the ties that bind me, my family, my students. We all have them. Through yoga, we are given the opportunity to learn that we need to release our attachment to our ideals and accept where we are with loving encouragement, hoping our ties will unwind. Let me give an example:


As a mother of four home-schooled children, I often found, and find, myself struggling to figure out how to overcome certain obstacles and help my children past them. As my two oldest are boys, there was a period in which I was regularly correcting and counseling them through their fighting and bickering. They saw one another, frequently, as an opposing force that they had no appreciation for. Out of almost desperation at one point, I decided to make them face their opposition until they relaxed into it and made peace with it (each other). Placing them belly to belly, I tied a bathrobe belt around them and set a timer for 10 minutes. If they fought, there would be time added. It always began with struggle and tears....pushing against the ties that bound them. They were trying to get away from what they perceive as unappreciable or unworthy of them. By midway through, there was tolerance, and by the end of every single exercise, there was appreciation for their perceived offender. There was peace, and dare I say, there was even love.


In a couple of months, I will be 39 years old. My mind tells me that this is young, but my heart knows otherwise. My life and path have not be easy, but I cherish my life and everything that has been part of it. In my mid twenties, I began to lose my health, which set me on the most beautiful path of struggle, pain, and growth. Through divine guidance, every turn and every event and perfect timing has brought me to where I am and made me the woman that I am. There have been highs and there have been lows and you might say that this has been my tie. I have at times pushed against it, cried over it, and even felt hopelessness over it. Daily, I am giving thanks that I was brought to yoga, because it literally has saved my life. It has not removed my tie, but it has enabled me to continue my journey of life.


With the last couple of years' burdens, my health has been further taxed and I find myself again feeling the tie around me. Each time, possibly, with greater wisdom. With deeper peace and appreciation for what the ties do for me. As I work with doctors and and I work with my God and all the spaces in between, I find that I am having to balance my inner wisdom, divine guidance, and the wisdom of health professionals and find peace in the process. It's as if the ties get bigger and tougher and stronger. But, my resolve to find peace is greater. With words that we have formulated emotional attachments to, like, Stroke, MS, and Parkinsons being spoken to me, I find myself deeply contemplating on what is true for me and what kind of reality will I create and how can I find appreciation for where I am at? There is the temptation to feel sorry for myself, to want to complain and dislike the ties that bind me. To even feel anger and jealousy toward individuals who can fully throw themselves into life, even yoga, and get ideal results. All of these struggles in my heart and mind cause pain from the tie digging in at me.


I have a belief that our minds are powerful and can create any situation in our body. For this belief, I have always worked to think positively, and not let my body and any complaints from it overtake my thoughts. However, I have come to a time that I can no longer remove myself from the physical state of my health. I actually have to face it belly to belly and learn what is going on and learn how to restore it.


My testimony for yoga is that it saves. It can bring you peace in anything by giving you a way to rest in the ties that bind. There are plenty of yogis out there that can show that yoga can make you look and act like a goddess. There are plenty of yogis out there that can make it sound as if they have no ties and they have attained that ultimate one-ness through sheer strength and determination. Not for me. My testimony for my yoga is that it is dirty, it is tough, it is sometimes painful and it is real. My yoga brings humility, reverence, and realness. It's earth. It's fire. It's wind. It's water. My body is the tie that binds and I am ever so thankful for every bit.